I am writing today to try and sort some of what has happened out in my head and to hopefully warn others of what can happen when you just let things keep going out of control when you know you shouldn’t be letting it happen.
I just threw Justin out and I am not letting him back in! I just had a godsend given to me on proof that I needed in order to move on with my life.
During a very bad fight me and Justin recently had he was threatening me and I was all mouth as usual. I told him I was going to record him and that way I had proof when I went down to get the restraining order I have been yapping about for nearly a year now.
He knew me better than anyone on this earth. And he knew how I felt about having anyone thrown in jail. Totally against it. So he played on that to keep his lazy non working ass in my now paid off trailer!
So I hit record on my phone and forgot all about it. So about 4 1/2 hours later I go to get my phone off the charger in the living room. That is when I saw that it was still recording.
So after the hour and a half fight I had went into the bathroom which had become my private rretreat. I ended up falling asleep on the toilet. I have issues with using the bathroom anyway since I have been paralyzed. I had to use a catheter for the first year and a half after being paralyzed.
Now even 3 1/2 years later I still have a lot of issues with either holding my pee or trying to pee! So to shorten this story some I will jump right into what I found on the audio.
I can still barely believe that I have been living with a sicko who has to do these types of things to get his jolly’s. So He has basically been bringing his girlfriend into my house and they have been screwing right in the next room from me while I would be in the bathroom.
I have suspected for a long timenow that this was going on. I could barely bring myself to even accuse him out loud though. I mean how crazy does that sound to accuse your spouse of having sex with someone in the other room while your in the bathroom?
But as I went through the 4 1/2 hours of audio a couple weeks later I found exactly the evidence to prove that I had been right the entire time! This man has been trying to convince me that I was crazy for the last 2+ years. Every time I would go to the bathroom I am assuming that he would bring her in to do their thing or he would act like they were doing their thing just to keep me feeling crazy all of the time.
A good friend told me about gaslighting a while back when I was talking to him about Justin and telling him how I was not sure about certain things going on around me. He told me then not to do that. He told me not to let him make me start doubting my own mind.
He is probably the reason I am not still with him and completely crazy right now. Once he showed me what gaslighting was I really started to understand that he was actually doing this to me.
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse and basically about control. The other person will start telling you that you are crazy and that you didn’t see what you think you saw. Or didn’t hear what you thought you heard. They will do this to you over and over just breaking you down until you are completely unsure of yourself.
I was fed up with this man over a year ago. I threw him out most every single day. He has not worked for over a year now. He would not work on the trailer or clean it like a person who has been out of work for a year should. He did nothing except the opposite of what I wanted. We never went anywhere. We never had any money. I had to deal with all of the problems that came around in life. All by myself usually.
And then there was the violence. He would hit me and throw things at me. Shoved me once into a bunch of my wine bottles I had on the floor when I was moving in my trailer, causing a bottle to break and it broke right in my right wrist. I thought I was going to die it scared me so bad. They thought they were going to have to do surgery on my wrist.
I got lucky and they didn’t have to operate and there were no tendons or ligaments cut. I couldn’t get him to leave no matter how mean I would be. He just got physically abusive and would sit there and push my buttons like no one else knows how to push.
I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I got him out of the house finally and I was sitting on the toilet seat trying to pee and started to hear the same noises that he would make out there. Even though he was no where around. Only my friends were out there. And I found myself questioning their loyalty to me versus Justin. Thinking that they were conspiring with Justin behind my back. He tried and tried to make me doubt my own mind. He did nothing to bring me happiness and did everything in his power to cause me misery. All along saying how he loved me more than anything in the world. And how he would never let me go.
He definitely has let me go. And since I have thrown him out he has not once went out of his way to come to check things out or do anything to really try and get me back. True to his usual ways he only does as little as possible to just smooth things over.
He texts a lot. Threatening in one text and then saying how he loves me and misses me so much in the next. Still unable to admit that he has been having sexual relations with this Nichole girl for well over a year now. He is still claiming that he did nothing and I am the slut.
I have never even heard of people having sex in a persons own home while they are in the other room. On purpose doing these things and taking the chance of getting busted.
He had my phone synced with his and was able to read every single message I got or sent out. He had to have had cameras in our home because he was always a step ahead of me.
It is going to take a very long time for me to get myself back together again and even think about trusting anyone ever again.
So if you are in a relationship like this and you feel as though you are going crazy or can’t trust your own judgement of things going on around you, then stop and evaluate what is really going on and read my story again. Because it’s a very real thing and it happens more than you would think that it does.
It may sound crazy but I guarantee that it’s a true story and I hope that others out there will try to find a way out of their abusive relationship once they realize that it is a real form of abuse and they are not just crazy like that person is trying to make them think they are!
To learn more on gaslighting click on link below.