Well as I just celebrated my 4 year anniversary since I was paralyzed from using needles, and now 4 years of being needle clean, my ex husband overdosed and died. I have a child with this man and a 6 year old granddaughter. We had been off and on since I was 14 years old. We finally got married when I was 30. Long after our daughter was born. We got divorced 4 years later. Yet He and his mother and his son were at the hospital alone with my mother and kids when I got out of spinal cord surgery which left me paralyzed from the waist down. And he just popped in about a month ago with his son Devon and ended up visiting for the whole day and night because they had to be somewhere early the next morning. I never dreamed that would be the last time I ever saw him alive. I got a text 2 days ago telling me that Brian had just overdosed and died here in Connersville. All I know is that fentanol was involved. His son was with him and he died at a close friend of ours since childhoods house. His son got arrested last night for PI and then they found pills on him so there is another charge. I knew he would take it bad and I worry that he will end up just like Brian. He has always idolized him. Wanting to be just like him in every possible way. So I really hope that maybe this will make him wake up and change his life. It will be that or he will soon join Brian. And he is so young with so much life left to live. He doesn’t realize that there is so much more to life than just chasing and dealing drugs in Connersville. He has never known any other way. This is the life he was brought up in and adapted to since he was young. Parents who are drug addicts. The mother is in jail facing dealing charges again and the father is now dead and gone forever. So I just hope that maybe someone will benefit from my blog and possibly take a different route in life because of what they read here on my site. I am posting some pictures of the kids and Brian when we were married back in 2000-2004. I am also posting the link to the go fund me for Brians funeral that my step daughter has for him. They do not have the money to put him away. His mother passed away almost a year ago and she was the glue of their family. So donate if you can and if not thanks for reading and please follow me on here or my Facebook page.
I am posting pictures of my daughters first layout in a magazine. She has been an alternative model for a while now, but what makes this even more awesome is the fact she is not only a model, she also does her own SFX makeup.
She has always been an awesome artist, starting out with our walls when she was 2-16. Yes, even at 16 she was still drawing on my walls! She then moved onto tattooing and drawing.
Well she was awesome at tattooing but she didn’t stick with it for too long before she discovered her talent with SFX.
And one of the most awesome things about her is how she does these things to her own face. I can’t imagine doing all that to someone else. That would be hard enough in my opinion. But doing it on yourself really blows my mind away!
She is also a dancer and a pole instructor in Indianapolis. So check her out at one of the links I will be sharing below. And check back as I will post more on her progress into the world of SFX! Along with new pictures or videos she posts!
Please help share any pictures or videos you may like to help get her face and name out there for the world to see!
Pictures of her winning one of the pole competitions up in Indianapolis. pictures of Mackenzie modeling as an alternative model.
The pictures below are from Mackenzies 5 Page layout in the October 2018 Elan Vital Magazine
They are a little hard to see because of the plastic I have over them to protect them.
My youngest daughter Mackenzie has just got her artwork published in her very first magazine. So I am trying to share it wherever I can and with whoever I can. She is very talented and always has been. She started out drawing when she was less than 2 years old. And at 3 she was decorating our walls with her art. Me and her father had to paint every wall before we moved out of our apt. She started with skulls in her teenage years, then got first place in an art contest in Richmond Ind when she was 16. Winning the contest with a life size portrait of herself. She then moved onto tattooing herself and others. She was amazing but she then moved on with special effects make up. Most of which she did on herself! Hard enough to do but on yourself it’s really amazing the things she can do!
When you visit my site you will sometimes see advertisements for certain products for sale. I am putting the disclosure statement below so that anyone visiting my site will understand that certain products that I may promote, I do get a certain commission from if someone would buy from the said link on my website. So please feel free to also read the Disclosure Statement below.
“I, am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”
Since I am posting about music, song lyrics, and playing guitar
I thought I would share this Acoustic Guitar for kids from
Amazon. Looks like a great deal and I have been wanting to
get my granddaughter started with lessons on the guitar.
These littler guitars would be perfect for her or any
“The Mistaken Jesus” title above is the name of one of Justin’s poems. He has got stacks of poems, along with more stacks of songs that he has written and composed. With many of them being really good! I admit that I am not quite as big a fan with poetry as I am with songs. A lot of poetry I have just never understood really. As opposed to music where I am completely comfortable with editing an entire song if the opportunity arises.
But whether it be poetry or song lyrics, Justin is definitely more talented than I am when it comes to writing. Especially more talented when it comes to putting words to a song to an actual song. I can sit down and come up with words that I believe sound good for a song. Now to actually have to sit down and put those words to some song notes or make them go with a chorus, and I am completely at a loss.
Now he can sit down with his guitar and come up with the lyrics, chorus, and everything else needed to publish yourself a brand new, never before heard, catchy song! With his actual songs that he has written for his album one day, we are waiting to actually put on here because of the copyright issues. Going to have to do some learning on that subject before I start promoting him or anyone else in the music industry!
So anyways I hope that some of you may like the poems I am putting on my blog. I will be trying to put at least one out each week. Depending on how well people do like them I guess. So please remember to follow me on my blog or my social sites if you do like anything I am putting out there. I am new to all of this. And I am trying to learn all about it as I go. And basically do it myself. So forgive me if something is crazy on my site, or if my blogs seem a little random and crazy! I am trying to find my own little way in all of this world of websites and blogs.
Thank you for reading!
The Mistaken Jesus
He bled for:
the broken, the poor, the mauled, the maimed, the less fortunate, the bottom of the barrel, and even the murderer and the scum. It’s my pleasure to say, his blood was shed, even for the common bum.
Children of god is not always a pretty sight. Isn’t always perfect white teeth, their smiles so smooth and bright. Not always what you expect, the difference just a slight… A different picture hairline fracture, Let your imagination capture…
The truth, nothing more, nothing less, The truths really a wreck I guess. Gods beautiful creations, I must confess, are a complete hopeless mess!The truths not so pretty, not a maybe or I guess.
It’s a baby being sold on the black market, or the homeless not being fed! Or a soldier being put to death, on live TV, for all to see, poor poor seth or beth! As we all lazily yawn, right before dawn, they put poor seth to sleep, the execution style death.!
As he takes his last breath; A baby’s brains are bashed in, then thrown in a dumpster, all because its mother was too young and the father had done left.
You won’t find jesus on TBN, CNN, or these souped up tricked out churches. Your better off with the murderers and thieves, or even hypocritical Churches!
While I wrote this, a thousand babies died, enough to fill a warehouse of hearst’s!
..Jesuswill always be, where the most evil spirits dwell.creeping along the streets blending in with the foulest of smells, Where the hookers pimp yells, the gangsters corpses are decorated with empty slug shells,
The rich, richest, and richer, swell from retail, Men rape women and children, disregarding gods words regarding the female!
. Where evil lurks, the son of man smirks! Where heartaches are welcomed and even provoked! The sons biography and fathers glorious words are spoke.
Where he is, there is no regret or dread. Only faith and free will, or the son who rose from the dead! So grab and recognize, what to look for when wonder sends a poke! See the world for what it really is, this ain’t no fucking joke!
He came and went, being slain, our debt he paid!
our king of kings, lord of lords, a tomb he was laid!
I would like to talk today about our health. The Amazon Banner I am displaying with the fresh vegetables really got me thinking about how I really need to start eating more healthy. I actually love vegetables and fruits. There are not many that I do not like. So I am going to sign up for this free trial with Amazon Fresh because not only will it cut down on my driving to and from the store, but it will also make me think a little more on what I am actually purchasing.
When you go to the grocery store, especially when you are hungry, you seem to just put everything that appeals to you inside your cart. And I don’t know about the rest of you but as I get older it seems like sweets have begun to call my name constantly! I don’t know if it has something to do with me getting off opiates or what. But it is easier these days for me to turn down the needle than it is for me to turn down a chocolate cake doughnut!
So I believe that I am going to try to start doing my shopping online and with Amazon. I feel that you put a lot more thought into what it is you are purchasing when you shop like this. When I am at the store I may have a list with me and sometimes I may even find that list and use it.! Every time that I walk out of the store I have ended up putting at least 15 or more items in my cart that I had no intentions of purchasing. And most definitely did not need!
When I have shopped online before I definitely put a lot more thought into my purchases. And even if I have put some items in there on a whim, I will see these items on there before I actually check out and have a second chance to think about whether I really need these or not. And I can think about the price of all of it. As opposed to when I am in line at the grocery store and I have many people behind me. I am just trying to be sure that I do not embarrass myself by holding the entire line up and have everyone behind me fuming.
So many times I have gotten up there and the total was very scary as to what I had originally intended for it to be. But rather than hold up the line and deal with peoples glares, I have just went ahead and paid for the items and gotten myself on out of the store. If I am sitting in front of my computer at home I do not have to deal with issues such as these. No one is hurrying me up. I can take my time and think about what I have on there and put some thought into whether I really need all of the items or not.
Being an addict most all of my life I have really put my health on the back burner. I never worried about eating good or healthy, and continued to put some of the most awful things known to society in my system while never even going to a Dr for a check up. I have actually been very lucky that I do not have more wrong with me than what I do. I did find out that I am anemic a couple of years ago. It has caused a lot of fatigue in my life. I am supposed to be taking iron pills or eating more liver.
Well the liver is out the door because I would not touch it with a ten foot pole. So I am left with the option of getting the over the counter iron pills. Which I admit I had not done until recently. So I am going to try and start taking those pills on a more regular basis and start watching what I eat more. Put more fruits and vegetables into my diet and see if that helps me to feel better each day. I will definitely report back with how I am doing with this and if it is working out in making me feel better each day.
So if anyone else decides to try this way of shopping to see if it helps with cutting down on not needed items please let me know and let me know how it works out for you. I have really been trying to change my life around every since I got paralyzed. I have been more focused on areas of just staying away from needles and opiates so far. I did get myself back into school for a while, but have let the stresses of life along with some health issues cause me to stop attending there for a while.
I am really wanting to get my life back into order and fix not only the main areas that people focus on but some of these side areas that we tend to forget about when we get too busy with life. Taking care of ourselves is one of those areas that we tend to forget. And this is one of the areas that we should all be focusing on if we really want to feel better in life. And we will tend to look better when we are taking care of ourselves.
I will go into some of the things that I have focused on since I got paralyzed and had to start over with only my mother’s clothes to wear at first and a hospital bed for my first apartment. These things have helped me to focus on changing my life and continuing to change my life so far. And maybe they will help others in that area also.
Click on the link below for more details and to start your Amazon Fresh Free Trial
Mackenzie is my youngest daughter. She is going to be 23 in June. She is a very talented artist, who also does her own special effects make-up on herself! She is also a pole instructor in Indianapolis! She only charges $20 an hour for lessons. Just fill out the form below if you are interested in receiving lessons from Kenzie.
I am writing this post just to give anyone who does follow me or clicks onto my website that I am working on fixing all of the issues with it. I have got it a hot mess I know! I am basically teaching myself as I go and learning from experience with it. So it is a major work in progress! I am hoping to get it where you can at least read things by the end of the night lol! I have so many things I am trying to do and learn right now that I have gotten myself a bit overwhelmed! So I will be trying to fix all of the craziness and will be doing more research into how it should be set up to meet my needs.
On another note I have been thinking about bringing more subjects into my blogs. So we know I am all about how the government needs to change laws regarding addiction and how addicts are treated.
I will tell you that I am all about the fourth amendment and the government keeping out of certain areas of our lives. Now having said that I also believe very strongly these days that we do need governments and the rules of governments to keep society functioning.
There always has to be a happy medium met in most areas of life. I have a lot of opinions on different ways that we should handle things like population control, and the never ending number of children being brought into this world only to be discarded, ignored, abused, neglected, and put on a negative path in life right from the start.
And I will bring up one area where I feel there should be more government control, even though I am all about the government not being able to search our property without a warrant and a damned good reason for that warrant, I feel that the government should step in and put more control on the amount of children that a woman is having, IF they are continuing to have children while their first 2-5 children are not even with them!
I saw it in prison and I see it in my own hometown (not as much as the big cities) but nevertheless it shouldn’t be happening that much in a town with approximately 20,000 residents. And I could be off with this figure. I am just throwing it out there instead of looking it up because I am being lazy today, and my internet is being slow!
So I think that if you have a child or 2 and they have been taken away, given away, being neglected, or the mother is actively using drugs then she should be made to get her tubes tied. Maybe not permanently but at least until she can prove to the world that she is capable of caring for a child.
I am sorry but I think it’s ridiculous that I sat in prison day after day with women who had 10 children out there. Left in the care of family members if lucky enough to have any who could care for them, and the girls would be pregnant! Most of those children end up having to go to foster homes and from what I hear that is if they are lucky.
Over populating the earth is a real issue! If we keep going like we are the earth will never be able to sustain all of these people. Not to mention the children growing up in these types of circumstances. Which leads to a way higher possibility of them becoming addicts, criminals, living a life of poverty, being violent with their spouses and children, and all of these things contribute to the never ending circle of issues such as addiction, violence, homelessness, just for a start.
If a child is brought up in a bad and broken environment then the chances of them being bad and broken are increasing of course. So why is it that you need a license for driving a car, and most everything else in life, yet having a child no one is supposed to even look at your circumstances before women have them?
And I don’t believe that we as a society should be able to tell women whether or not they should have a child or not based on their circumstances or wealth level. I do believe however if a woman is not taking their responsibility as a mother seriously, and is not taking advantage of the birth control that is offered to them for free all over the country, or the fact that they can have their tubes tied for free if they are on Medicaid, Hoosier Healthcare, or HIPP, after they have 2 children or are a certain age, and they are not willing to take advantage of it, then yes these would be the ones who should be made to have their tubes tied. I know that people like to argue that we should have the freedom to choose these types of things. And there should be no restrictions on it. But what about the kids who are growing up in these situations? I know that most children who have to grow up without their mothers or fathers in situations like I am describing have low self esteem right from the start. And most will feel like they did something wrong as they grow up. This all leads to bad behaviors and to emotional instability.
And what about how the babies feel when they have to go through withdrawals as soon as they enter this world? Or the people out there who end up having to take care of these babies or children who are going through hell and can’t do anything but their job to help these kids?
It all definitely helps to breed a lot of hatred, and problems in the world. And we may never see the end results of over-population on this earth, but our children or children’s children will!
So that is something to think about.
Here is an article I found that you may want to read on the issues of over-population.
This three legged dog is something else! I have never seen a dog who shows human emotions as well as this one does. He is Katie’s puppy from her one litter of pups she had before we got her fixed. When he was about 7 months old he got hit by a car. I had let katie and her 2 puppies out to go pee and katie led them right across the street. Well her and tubby made it across, and little lick did not. A guy brought him to our door telling me how sorry he was and that he ran right in front of him and he couldn’t stop in Time. Well we were bad junkies back then and couldn’t take care of ourselves let alone dogs really. But I have always loved animals more than most human beings and so even though we had no money to take him to a vet we didn’t have him put down. I cared for him the best way I could back then. We gave him pain reliever and kept him on a towel that was like a diaper since he couldn’t go outside on his own. He slept in my arms every night like a baby and I prayed that he would get better with what we were doing for him. He slowly got better and it was not long before he was up and running around again. But he was dragging that paw and had no feeling in it. You could tell it was not causing him pain but the problem was that eventually he would drag it down to the bone if it kept up. So to make a long story shorter, I went to prison for 9 months and Justin was a hot mess still while I was gone so my mother took Katie and her 2 puppies to her home to care for them until I got out. She took him to the vet and got his leg removed and he got fixed at same time so everything was done at once. He went home and recovered completely and it wasn’t long before he was outrunning all the other dogs who had 4 legs. My mother fell in love with him after the surgery and while I was gone. So when I got out of prison I only had one dog, Katie. Tubby her other puppy passed away shortly after mom got all 3 dogs, lick became my mothers dog and katie of course came right back to being my baby once I got out. Little lick had not forgotten me though. It took him a little longer to recognize me than katie when I first walked in the door after 9 months, but he eventually figured it out and was once again my little baby laying right in my arms again. So for years my mother has had him and he has lived a very good spoiled life. Until about 2 1/2 years ago when me and Justin were living in Richmond and I was still relearning to walk myself from being paralyzed from the waist down, asked me if I would take him. She knew I was the only person who would be able to take him in. He definitely has had his issues throughout the years and from what he has been through. He either had to stay with mom, get put down or come live with me katie and Justin again. She would have never had him put down, but she had ended up with about 4-5 dogs living at her house thanks to me or one of kids, and they had begun to run around like a wild pack of dogs when all together. And they were feeding off each other and getting more brave as they went. And so while none of the dogs were large really “chihuahuas and poodle sizes” they would go after something and u might get little lick come out of nowhere and bite an ankle and run or jump in with the other dogs in a fight. Little lick was not a fair fighter and had no problems with jumping in and helping out 2 on one! So I told my mother we would take him and try it out to see how it worked. I was still using my wheelchair at this time so I admit I had my doubts as to whether I could handle 2 dogs and everything else going on in my life. But this is the end results of all the pain and suffering that me and the three legged dog has been through. He is our baby! Katie was around him all through the years since my mother had him and katie lived with my mother also when I was first paralyzed and up in Indianapolis for 3 months. Plus me and Katie had to live with my mom and step dad for a while when I first got out of the hospital. So now katie and lick are as close as any 2 dogs can be. And I literally feel for these 2 dogs as if they were my kids. Katie has been there with me through everything from withdrawals to me getting paralyzed. She slept right in my hospital bed when I first got home. It is amazing how much love an animal can have for their owner and vice versa. So now we have 2 living in my trailer who are disabled, me and my dog. He definitely took to his disability way better than I did at first. But one thing I did learn from him is that you have to get up and just do it. You can’t lay around feeling sorry for yourself. If you did that then you may never get back up. Dogs do not sit around and gripe about what happened to them. They don’t sit around and expect you to feel sorry for them. They just get back up and do what they can do to the best of their ability. And that is why I am walking again today. Had I decided to just lay around feeling sorry for myself and letting others do everything for me then those muscles that were already almost non existent probably would have went on to actually being non existent. So I hope that perhaps this true story of 2 junkies and their disabled dog will help someone out there to see the way. And see that anything is possible in life. If you just believe. I have been off the needle for over 3 years now and Justin is on soboxone and that is amazing considering what a terrible junky he was back in the day. We have many problems and many issues still, but I would have never dreamed that we would all be back together years later after he went to prison for 4 years, I got paralyzed from using needles, Little lick losing his leg, and poor Katie getting thrown back and forth from places because of our issues either with prison or hospitals. Yet here we are!
So for anyone who read my last blog that basically introduced who I am and what has happened to me, you will know what this article pertains to. If you have not read my first blog or could not find anything on Free Trade, then let me explain a little more.
I have been saying this for years when it comes to addicts, especially heroin addicts, that they needed to legalize about everything and stop putting it all out there like basically shrouded in a cloud of mystery. I do not believe that they should legalize something like heroin just for the thrill of everyone in America to just get completely blown and have the time of their lives. And the only people who should receive it would be those who are just too far gone with their addiction at this time to even think about helping themselves.
They asked us in that class what we thought of the above article. And what our opinion was as to why the Netherlands do not have hardly any new addicts under the age of 40 now. Well in my opinion it is because they have taken that aura of mystique and lifted the veil for everyone to really see what it is.
When we are children and even as adults there are many of us who are always going to be doing the exact opposite of what we are told to do. And I think it is in every human being. That desire to touch what you are not supposed to touch, talk to whomever your not supposed to talk to, go where you are not supposed to go. If you believe in the bible then you will know that if you believe that way then it makes perfect sense for us human beings to be like that.
Because of Eve taking a bite of the forbidden fruit in the garden of eden, we as human beings were cast out of that paradise and then Jesus came and died on the cross for our sins, so that we can all one day go back to that paradise. All through the way of forgiveness basically. Now I am not a very religious person. I was never taken to church as a child. I was actually the one who got my family going to a small country church in our area when I was growing up. I got involved with a friend doing a christmas pageant at their church and after that my entire family began attending the church randomly and always showing up on Christmas Eve night for their Christmas pageant they had every single year.
So don’t quote me to be precise when it comes to speaking of things that are written in the bible. And it does not matter whether or not you believe in god and the bible or not when it comes to how we as human beings tend to behave. It’s a fact that most children in the world will all try and do the exact opposite of what their parents will tell them to do. So with this in mind that is why I feel that if you were to take these illegal drugs off the streets and really started treating addicts as if they are sick and not just criminals, then you will take all the glamour and wildness out of it. No kid ever looks at a diabetic and says wow I think I want to try that disease out.
So basically the Netherlands has taken the drug “heroin” and made it legal in their country. And they did not just stop there to fix their drug problem. They have made it completely free. Like it says in the article you cannot beat free. Even with legalizing something you still are going to have issues with a lot of crime if it is something that people can get addicted to and may not be able to come up with the money to pay for it. That is what probably constitutes most all of the crime when it comes to any type of drug crime. When that person is sick from not being able to find or able to afford that drug they are seeking.
Your average drug addict is a pretty happy camper once they have what they are wanting or their body is screaming for. They are not going to get out there and cause all kinds of chaos after they are high. Now they will cause all kinds of chaos while trying to find the drug, or trying to find the means to pay for that drug. And most do not ever think they would ever do half of the things that they end up doing to get the drug. I know from experience that your mind starts thinking thoughts that seem to be coming from a whole other person when you start to withdrawal from any type of opiate. You think it has to be another persons thoughts because you would never do those type of things right?
So the Netherlands also incorporated the Free Trade into their little experiment with heroin addicts. Now those people who were basically beyond hope in most peoples eyes are able to go to a clinic or hospital every day and get what they need. They do not have to worry about whether they are going to get busted while trying to get it or get it back home. They do not have to worry about how they are going to pay for it either. So now they are being treated like they actually have a disease instead of like they are Bonnies and Clydes running around causing hurt and pain to everyone they come across.
So all of the children of these die hard heroin addicts are no longer seeing mom and dad shooting up at home, or watching them flip out almost every single day as they try to get what there body needs before they begin to withdrawal so bad that they feel like they are going out of their minds. These same children are not going to be at as high of a risk of getting ripped out of their parents home and put in the child welfare system either. Before mom and dad was getting this for free at a clinic the odds were very high. Either from parents abusing their children because they cannot handle day to day life like they were living, or parents neglecting their children’s needs, or the state coming and taking kids from their parents because the parents cannot stay off the drugs.
Now those same parents can actually be parents to their kids because they may be able to hold a job, and hold onto an apartment plus the furnishings it takes to have a home. They can actually focus on the things they should be focusing on, instead of constantly focusing on how to sneak past the system so they don’t go to jail, or how to come up with the money needed to get the drugs, or just always focused on what a huge piece of shit they are because they just cannot seem to get it together like society says they should.
You also have many parents who were coming down with AIDS/HIV, Hepatitis C, and plenty of other non needle illnesses just because they never have the time or desire to take care of themselves like they should be.
So I know I have rambled about many things that legalizing heroin would do when it comes to making those addicts into decent people who could actually make it in society. And maybe you agree, or maybe you do not agree, but the results of what the Netherlands have been doing speaks louder than anything I or anything other addict could ever say.
It is working over there. They have reduced the crime rates over there. They have reduced the number of addicts they have in their country. They have definitely reduced the percentage of addicts who are under the age of 40. Which means they do not have mass amounts of younger people becoming addicted like we do over here. You have to do what actually works if you really want to take care of a certain problem.
I know from experience that the more you persecute, discriminate, and alienate people with drug addiction issues, you are just making them worse and lowering the chances of that person ever possibly becoming a constructive member of society. I know that in order to help someone or some cause you need to know what you are talking about. Not just statistically speaking. Just because you know all of the facts that does not mean that you know the right way of helping the situation. And even if your heart is in the right place and you want to help others, if you really do not understand it then you cannot ever really help it.
Once again I will speak of religion because I just heard a preacher talking about how Timothy was losing hope and so god sent Peter to him. Now why would god send Peter to Timothy? Because Peter had been through all of it. He understood how Timothy was feeling. He had lived through everything that Timothy was going through. He did not just send a random angel who had never sat one day in a cell. He sent someone who understood and would be able to get through to him and help him get through it.
So I just wonder why it is that all of our leaders and political figures feel that they are qualified to make the right choices when it comes to how to deal with a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol. I mean if they have never been addicted to these things then how do they know anything at all about it really?
When constructing a new bridge over a river who do you get to do it? Someone who knows a whole freaking lot about it! Otherwise your going to end up with a bunch of cars falling into that river from that badly constructed bridge. If you are getting heart surgery, what Dr do you want to perform your surgery? Of course you want one who has done it many times and knows everything there is to know about it.
So why is it when it comes to the millions of addicted individuals we have in our country that half the time we have people who have never even been addicted to anything trying to help make that addict see what they need to do in order to get better? Or we have politicians and Dr’s who have never had a single withdrawal in their life making the whole rules of the game up as they go.
They are deciding how addicts should get punished, whether or not they should be punished if they won’t stop doing these drugs. They are deciding whether or not a person should just be able to quit cold turkey or not. And putting it into societies head that you are a criminal who does not care about your family or anything else if you can’t or won’t do it.
And you see this every single day in the fact that millions of non violent offenders who are just addicts and did nothing else but have dope on them or in their system that society says they shouldn’t have had on them or in their systems, sitting in prison cells.
You see it in the way the food stamps are now handled in our country. You can be a child molester, murderer, human trafficker, or anything else besides a drug offender and still get food stamps. You can even get caught selling your food stamps and only get penalized for a 1 year period! Yet if you have been busted with drugs then you are to never get them again. Now does that really make sense?
You see all of this in the way that parolees are treated. If you are a drug addict getting out on parole then here is what you are facing. You are back into society with nothing usually. So here comes the stressor’s. You have to get a job. But most places do not like hiring felons. You need a place to live and food to eat. Yet you will get no help with food if you have a drug felony on your record, and you probably are getting no HUDD with that felony of yours.
Now you also have to stay clean. Your an addict but we expect you to have control over that addiction. And if you do not have control then we are going to throw you right back into that cage where you are treated no better than an animal half of the time. “Actually I treat my dogs much better than most guards treat inmates” I love my dogs and they are like my family.
So we also know that addicts do not do well with stress. Most addicts have become addicts from using substances to escape from the reality of their lives. Some bad thing happens and so you try and feel better by using some sort of substance that helps you forget. Or you just have an addictive personality and when you were trying to be cool in high school with your friends you tried what they tried. But now your still living that nightmare every day while others who did it just walked away and never thought about doing it again. So they are left with that feeling of worthlessness, feeling weak, or like something is wrong with them.
Doesn’t matter how you got addicted, what matters is that you are addicted and your always going to be an addict. So they do not do well with stress. They have learned how to deal with reality without having some sort of crutch like drugs to help them out. So what do you think that most addicts are going to do when they are faced with all of these obstacles upon first getting out of prison?
Of course they are going to try and escape. Then they feel bad again and like they are weak, and nothing will ever get better for them. Because now on top of everything else they are going to have to run around for next 3-5 days hoping to god that the parole officer does not come and piss test them. So you add that to the mix and next thing you know you have the addict saying Fuck it, I might as well just do it up and who gives a fuck type attitude. Because you do feel as though you will never be able to do it. And most out there even have to get out to their entire family being on drugs. So their only means of help that a lot of people have is not there for them. They are actually placed in a position where society tells you that if you want to stay clean then you have to stay away from people who use. But what if that literally is everyone that you know almost?
So how do you break this terrible cycle of addiction? I will never claim that I know all the answers. And there never will be a perfect solution that will just solve the whole entire problem. But I do believe that you have to start changing how addicts are looked at in society, how they are treated in society, and how you are going to help them in society.
I was paralyzed a little over 5 years ago from the waist down. This happened to me because I was a heroin addict. I started on regular pain pills and gradually went to roxycodone. When the governmment started cracking down on controlled substances I then moved onto becoming a heroin addict because of how much cheaper and how much easier it was to acquire.
It was an airborn infection from the needle I used that got me. It is like a 1 in a million chances of this happening. Pretty crazy odds I know, but it happened to me. My body did not fight off what it was supposed to fight off while I was injecting myself. So this infection started taking over my entire body. It eventually lodged itself into my spinal cord. I woke up one day and could not move my legs.
Right after I got out of my spinal cord surgery which left me paralyzed from the waist down.
I was then taken to St Vincent Hospital in Indianapolis where they performed emergency spinal cord surgery on me. Which left me paralyzed from the waist down. I was very lucky to have not lost my life actually. If the infection had reached my heart there would have been nothing they could have done for me. My Dr’s did not actually say that I would never walk again, but they told me and my family not to get our hopes up. They told us this because of the amount of infection they had to remove from my spinal cord.
Me in my wheelchair at my youngest daughters high school graduation above.
I am not only walking again, I am walking unassisted. I do not have to even use a cane to walk. (Though it does help me walk better and not look like a drunk at times) I have also been off of the needle for over 3 years. I have no desire these days to use opiates. Even though I am now in way more pain than I ever was before this happened to me. I have been slowly trying to change my life around. It is very hard to change who you are after you have been that person for longer than you can remember.
But it is possible! And it will not happen overnight. And you are not going to become a perfect person. You will still make mistakes. But you have to learn to forgive yourself for these mistakes and move on. Especially from all those mistakes and feelings of guilt from your past. If you don’t, then you will leave yourself open to being pulled right back into that old behavior and lifestyle.
I want to help others, but I don’t even pretend to act like I have all of the answers. And I am not perfect and will never be perfect. But I do know addicts and their behaviors. And I know what type of hell you live through as an addict. All the prejudisms that people have toward addicts. How they are treated by society. The government wants to treat addicts like they are criminals and punish them if they cannot control themselves with their drug of choice.
Well addiction is a disease. Do you get treated like a criminal for being a diabetic? Do you have to go live in a cage with murderers, child molesters, and other criminal types for not controlling your diabetes?
So forgive me for not feeling as though this is the answer or the way to help the problems this country is facing concerning addiction. Check out Netherlands Free Trade they have going on. And what type of results they have had from doing this.