My youngest daughter Mackenzie has just got her artwork published in her very first magazine. So I am trying to share it wherever I can and with whoever I can. She is very talented and always has been. She started out drawing when she was less than 2 years old. And at 3 she was decorating our walls with her art. Me and her father had to paint every wall before we moved out of our apt. She started with skulls in her teenage years, then got first place in an art contest in Richmond Ind when she was 16. Winning the contest with a life size portrait of herself. She then moved onto tattooing herself and others. She was amazing but she then moved on with special effects make up. Most of which she did on herself! Hard enough to do but on yourself it’s really amazing the things she can do!
I am writing today to try and sort some of what has happened out in my head and to hopefully warn others of what can happen when you just let things keep going out of control when you know you shouldn’t be letting it happen.
I just threw Justin out and I am not letting him back in! I just had a godsend given to me on proof that I needed in order to move on with my life.
During a very bad fight me and Justin recently had he was threatening me and I was all mouth as usual. I told him I was going to record him and that way I had proof when I went down to get the restraining order I have been yapping about for nearly a year now.
He knew me better than anyone on this earth. And he knew how I felt about having anyone thrown in jail. Totally against it. So he played on that to keep his lazy non working ass in my now paid off trailer!
So I hit record on my phone and forgot all about it. So about 4 1/2 hours later I go to get my phone off the charger in the living room. That is when I saw that it was still recording.
So after the hour and a half fight I had went into the bathroom which had become my private rretreat. I ended up falling asleep on the toilet. I have issues with using the bathroom anyway since I have been paralyzed. I had to use a catheter for the first year and a half after being paralyzed.
Now even 3 1/2 years later I still have a lot of issues with either holding my pee or trying to pee! So to shorten this story some I will jump right into what I found on the audio.
I can still barely believe that I have been living with a sicko who has to do these types of things to get his jolly’s. So He has basically been bringing his girlfriend into my house and they have been screwing right in the next room from me while I would be in the bathroom.
I have suspected for a long timenow that this was going on. I could barely bring myself to even accuse him out loud though. I mean how crazy does that sound to accuse your spouse of having sex with someone in the other room while your in the bathroom?
But as I went through the 4 1/2 hours of audio a couple weeks later I found exactly the evidence to prove that I had been right the entire time! This man has been trying to convince me that I was crazy for the last 2+ years. Every time I would go to the bathroom I am assuming that he would bring her in to do their thing or he would act like they were doing their thing just to keep me feeling crazy all of the time.
A good friend told me about gaslighting a while back when I was talking to him about Justin and telling him how I was not sure about certain things going on around me. He told me then not to do that. He told me not to let him make me start doubting my own mind.
He is probably the reason I am not still with him and completely crazy right now. Once he showed me what gaslighting was I really started to understand that he was actually doing this to me.
Gaslighting is a form of mental abuse and basically about control. The other person will start telling you that you are crazy and that you didn’t see what you think you saw. Or didn’t hear what you thought you heard. They will do this to you over and over just breaking you down until you are completely unsure of yourself.
I was fed up with this man over a year ago. I threw him out most every single day. He has not worked for over a year now. He would not work on the trailer or clean it like a person who has been out of work for a year should. He did nothing except the opposite of what I wanted. We never went anywhere. We never had any money. I had to deal with all of the problems that came around in life. All by myself usually.
And then there was the violence. He would hit me and throw things at me. Shoved me once into a bunch of my wine bottles I had on the floor when I was moving in my trailer, causing a bottle to break and it broke right in my right wrist. I thought I was going to die it scared me so bad. They thought they were going to have to do surgery on my wrist.
I got lucky and they didn’t have to operate and there were no tendons or ligaments cut. I couldn’t get him to leave no matter how mean I would be. He just got physically abusive and would sit there and push my buttons like no one else knows how to push.
I didn’t even realize how bad it was until I got him out of the house finally and I was sitting on the toilet seat trying to pee and started to hear the same noises that he would make out there. Even though he was no where around. Only my friends were out there. And I found myself questioning their loyalty to me versus Justin. Thinking that they were conspiring with Justin behind my back. He tried and tried to make me doubt my own mind. He did nothing to bring me happiness and did everything in his power to cause me misery. All along saying how he loved me more than anything in the world. And how he would never let me go.
He definitely has let me go. And since I have thrown him out he has not once went out of his way to come to check things out or do anything to really try and get me back. True to his usual ways he only does as little as possible to just smooth things over.
He texts a lot. Threatening in one text and then saying how he loves me and misses me so much in the next. Still unable to admit that he has been having sexual relations with this Nichole girl for well over a year now. He is still claiming that he did nothing and I am the slut.
I have never even heard of people having sex in a persons own home while they are in the other room. On purpose doing these things and taking the chance of getting busted.
He had my phone synced with his and was able to read every single message I got or sent out. He had to have had cameras in our home because he was always a step ahead of me.
It is going to take a very long time for me to get myself back together again and even think about trusting anyone ever again.
So if you are in a relationship like this and you feel as though you are going crazy or can’t trust your own judgement of things going on around you, then stop and evaluate what is really going on and read my story again. Because it’s a very real thing and it happens more than you would think that it does.
It may sound crazy but I guarantee that it’s a true story and I hope that others out there will try to find a way out of their abusive relationship once they realize that it is a real form of abuse and they are not just crazy like that person is trying to make them think they are!
To learn more on gaslighting click on link below.
When you visit my site you will sometimes see advertisements for certain products for sale. I am putting the disclosure statement below so that anyone visiting my site will understand that certain products that I may promote, I do get a certain commission from if someone would buy from the said link on my website. So please feel free to also read the Disclosure Statement below.
“I, am a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.”
Since I am posting about music, song lyrics, and playing guitar
I thought I would share this Acoustic Guitar for kids from
Amazon. Looks like a great deal and I have been wanting to
get my granddaughter started with lessons on the guitar.
These littler guitars would be perfect for her or any
other child around her age to begin playing on.
The Mistaken Jesus
Written by Justin Hurst
Revised and Typed out
by Christa Bruns
“The Mistaken Jesus” title above is the name of one of Justin’s poems. He has got stacks of poems, along with more stacks of songs that he has written and composed. With many of them being really good! I admit that I am not quite as big a fan with poetry as I am with songs. A lot of poetry I have just never understood really. As opposed to music where I am completely comfortable with editing an entire song if the opportunity arises.
But whether it be poetry or song lyrics, Justin is definitely more talented than I am when it comes to writing. Especially more talented when it comes to putting words to a song to an actual song. I can sit down and come up with words that I believe sound good for a song. Now to actually have to sit down and put those words to some song notes or make them go with a chorus, and I am completely at a loss.
Now he can sit down with his guitar and come up with the lyrics, chorus, and everything else needed to publish yourself a brand new, never before heard, catchy song! With his actual songs that he has written for his album one day, we are waiting to actually put on here because of the copyright issues. Going to have to do some learning on that subject before I start promoting him or anyone else in the music industry!
So anyways I hope that some of you may like the poems I am putting on my blog. I will be trying to put at least one out each week. Depending on how well people do like them I guess. So please remember to follow me on my blog or my social sites if you do like anything I am putting out there. I am new to all of this. And I am trying to learn all about it as I go. And basically do it myself. So forgive me if something is crazy on my site, or if my blogs seem a little random and crazy! I am trying to find my own little way in all of this world of websites and blogs.
Thank you for reading!
The Mistaken Jesus
He bled for:
the broken, the poor, the mauled, the maimed, the less fortunate, the bottom of the barrel, and even the murderer and the scum. It’s my pleasure to say, his blood was shed, even for the common bum.
Children of god is not always a pretty sight. Isn’t always perfect white teeth, their smiles so smooth and bright. Not always what you expect, the difference just a slight… A different picture hairline fracture, Let your imagination capture…
The truth, nothing more, nothing less, The truths really a wreck I guess. Gods beautiful creations, I must confess, are a complete hopeless mess!The truths not so pretty, not a maybe or I guess.
It’s a baby being sold on the black market, or the homeless not being fed! Or a soldier being put to death, on live TV, for all to see, poor poor seth or beth! As we all lazily yawn, right before dawn, they put poor seth to sleep, the execution style death.!
As he takes his last breath; A baby’s brains are bashed in, then thrown in a dumpster, all because its mother was too young and the father had done left.
You won’t find jesus on TBN, CNN, or these souped up tricked out churches. Your better off with the murderers and thieves, or even hypocritical Churches!
While I wrote this, a thousand babies died, enough to fill a warehouse of hearst’s!
..Jesus will always be, where the most evil spirits dwell.creeping along the streets blending in with the foulest of smells, Where the hookers pimp yells, the gangsters corpses are decorated with empty slug shells,
The rich, richest, and richer, swell from retail, Men rape women and children, disregarding gods words regarding the female!
. Where evil lurks, the son of man smirks! Where heartaches are welcomed and even provoked! The sons biography and fathers glorious words are spoke.
Where he is, there is no regret or dread. Only faith and free will, or the son who rose from the dead! So grab and recognize, what to look for when wonder sends a poke! See the world for what it really is, this ain’t no fucking joke!
He came and went, being slain, our debt he paid!
our king of kings, lord of lords, a tomb he was laid!
I would like to talk today about our health. The Amazon Banner I am displaying with the fresh vegetables really got me thinking about how I really need to start eating more healthy. I actually love vegetables and fruits. There are not many that I do not like. So I am going to sign up for this free trial with Amazon Fresh because not only will it cut down on my driving to and from the store, but it will also make me think a little more on what I am actually purchasing.
When you go to the grocery store, especially when you are hungry, you seem to just put everything that appeals to you inside your cart. And I don’t know about the rest of you but as I get older it seems like sweets have begun to call my name constantly! I don’t know if it has something to do with me getting off opiates or what. But it is easier these days for me to turn down the needle than it is for me to turn down a chocolate cake doughnut!
So I believe that I am going to try to start doing my shopping online and with Amazon. I feel that you put a lot more thought into what it is you are purchasing when you shop like this. When I am at the store I may have a list with me and sometimes I may even find that list and use it.! Every time that I walk out of the store I have ended up putting at least 15 or more items in my cart that I had no intentions of purchasing. And most definitely did not need!
When I have shopped online before I definitely put a lot more thought into my purchases. And even if I have put some items in there on a whim, I will see these items on there before I actually check out and have a second chance to think about whether I really need these or not. And I can think about the price of all of it. As opposed to when I am in line at the grocery store and I have many people behind me. I am just trying to be sure that I do not embarrass myself by holding the entire line up and have everyone behind me fuming.
So many times I have gotten up there and the total was very scary as to what I had originally intended for it to be. But rather than hold up the line and deal with peoples glares, I have just went ahead and paid for the items and gotten myself on out of the store. If I am sitting in front of my computer at home I do not have to deal with issues such as these. No one is hurrying me up. I can take my time and think about what I have on there and put some thought into whether I really need all of the items or not.
Being an addict most all of my life I have really put my health on the back burner. I never worried about eating good or healthy, and continued to put some of the most awful things known to society in my system while never even going to a Dr for a check up. I have actually been very lucky that I do not have more wrong with me than what I do. I did find out that I am anemic a couple of years ago. It has caused a lot of fatigue in my life. I am supposed to be taking iron pills or eating more liver.
Well the liver is out the door because I would not touch it with a ten foot pole. So I am left with the option of getting the over the counter iron pills. Which I admit I had not done until recently. So I am going to try and start taking those pills on a more regular basis and start watching what I eat more. Put more fruits and vegetables into my diet and see if that helps me to feel better each day. I will definitely report back with how I am doing with this and if it is working out in making me feel better each day.
So if anyone else decides to try this way of shopping to see if it helps with cutting down on not needed items please let me know and let me know how it works out for you. I have really been trying to change my life around every since I got paralyzed. I have been more focused on areas of just staying away from needles and opiates so far. I did get myself back into school for a while, but have let the stresses of life along with some health issues cause me to stop attending there for a while.
I am really wanting to get my life back into order and fix not only the main areas that people focus on but some of these side areas that we tend to forget about when we get too busy with life. Taking care of ourselves is one of those areas that we tend to forget. And this is one of the areas that we should all be focusing on if we really want to feel better in life. And we will tend to look better when we are taking care of ourselves.
I will go into some of the things that I have focused on since I got paralyzed and had to start over with only my mother’s clothes to wear at first and a hospital bed for my first apartment. These things have helped me to focus on changing my life and continuing to change my life so far. And maybe they will help others in that area also.
Click on the link below for more details and to start your Amazon Fresh Free Trial
Isn’t she beautiful??
Mackenzie is my youngest daughter. She is going to be 23 in June. She is a very talented artist, who also does her own special effects make-up on herself! She is also a pole instructor in Indianapolis! She only charges $20 an hour for lessons. Just fill out the form below if you are interested in receiving lessons from Kenzie.
I am writing this post just to give anyone who does follow me or clicks onto my website that I am working on fixing all of the issues with it. I have got it a hot mess I know! I am basically teaching myself as I go and learning from experience with it. So it is a major work in progress! I am hoping to get it where you can at least read things by the end of the night lol! I have so many things I am trying to do and learn right now that I have gotten myself a bit overwhelmed! So I will be trying to fix all of the craziness and will be doing more research into how it should be set up to meet my needs.
On another note I have been thinking about bringing more subjects into my blogs. So we know I am all about how the government needs to change laws regarding addiction and how addicts are treated.
I will tell you that I am all about the fourth amendment and the government keeping out of certain areas of our lives. Now having said that I also believe very strongly these days that we do need governments and the rules of governments to keep society functioning.
There always has to be a happy medium met in most areas of life. I have a lot of opinions on different ways that we should handle things like population control, and the never ending number of children being brought into this world only to be discarded, ignored, abused, neglected, and put on a negative path in life right from the start.
And I will bring up one area where I feel there should be more government control, even though I am all about the government not being able to search our property without a warrant and a damned good reason for that warrant, I feel that the government should step in and put more control on the amount of children that a woman is having, IF they are continuing to have children while their first 2-5 children are not even with them!
I saw it in prison and I see it in my own hometown (not as much as the big cities) but nevertheless it shouldn’t be happening that much in a town with approximately 20,000 residents. And I could be off with this figure. I am just throwing it out there instead of looking it up because I am being lazy today, and my internet is being slow!
So I think that if you have a child or 2 and they have been taken away, given away, being neglected, or the mother is actively using drugs then she should be made to get her tubes tied. Maybe not permanently but at least until she can prove to the world that she is capable of caring for a child.
I am sorry but I think it’s ridiculous that I sat in prison day after day with women who had 10 children out there. Left in the care of family members if lucky enough to have any who could care for them, and the girls would be pregnant! Most of those children end up having to go to foster homes and from what I hear that is if they are lucky.
Over populating the earth is a real issue! If we keep going like we are the earth will never be able to sustain all of these people. Not to mention the children growing up in these types of circumstances. Which leads to a way higher possibility of them becoming addicts, criminals, living a life of poverty, being violent with their spouses and children, and all of these things contribute to the never ending circle of issues such as addiction, violence, homelessness, just for a start.
If a child is brought up in a bad and broken environment then the chances of them being bad and broken are increasing of course. So why is it that you need a license for driving a car, and most everything else in life, yet having a child no one is supposed to even look at your circumstances before women have them?
And I don’t believe that we as a society should be able to tell women whether or not they should have a child or not based on their circumstances or wealth level. I do believe however if a woman is not taking their responsibility as a mother seriously, and is not taking advantage of the birth control that is offered to them for free all over the country, or the fact that they can have their tubes tied for free if they are on Medicaid, Hoosier Healthcare, or HIPP, after they have 2 children or are a certain age, and they are not willing to take advantage of it, then yes these would be the ones who should be made to have their tubes tied. I know that people like to argue that we should have the freedom to choose these types of things. And there should be no restrictions on it. But what about the kids who are growing up in these situations? I know that most children who have to grow up without their mothers or fathers in situations like I am describing have low self esteem right from the start. And most will feel like they did something wrong as they grow up. This all leads to bad behaviors and to emotional instability.
And what about how the babies feel when they have to go through withdrawals as soon as they enter this world? Or the people out there who end up having to take care of these babies or children who are going through hell and can’t do anything but their job to help these kids?
It all definitely helps to breed a lot of hatred, and problems in the world. And we may never see the end results of over-population on this earth, but our children or children’s children will!
So that is something to think about.
Here is an article I found that you may want to read on the issues of over-population.
APA Butler, C. D. (2004). Human Carrying Capacity and Human Health. PLoS Medicine, 1(3), e55. http://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.0010055