Addy’s Birthday Party

Theme was from the movie Hocus Pocus. My 3 daughters were the 3 Sanderson sisters. Chelsea’s fiancé Eric was billy the zombie. And jeremy, malls boyfriend played the devil.

Halloween/Addy’s birthday party 2020
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Back Yard Water Displays

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One Of My Backyard Water Displays

So I have a spot in my backyard that I use for my water displays. And I will change this display around after I get it done and get pictures plus video. This gives me the opportunity to keep on getting better at making these displays. I guess I can’t stand keeping anything the same. Because as soon as I get something done around my place, I am off and running on changing something else. I love to learn new things.

I get bored with things easily. Therefore it is like I cannot stick with anything. I am constantly changing something about myself, my home, or the way that I do things. Since I got paralyzed 6 years ago I have now learned a whole lot about construction, laying tile, working on cars, sewing, clothing alterations, tattooing, drawing, and I learned how to play guitar. I guess this was what I needed in order to keep myself moving forward and not letting myself slide back into my old lifestyle as a junky.

It is very true for me as the old saying goes “Idle time is the devil’s playground”. If I keep myself busy all of the time, then I do not have time to try and get myself into trouble. And I feel a sense of accomplishment after every new thing that I do, or learn. When I was a drug addict/junky before I got paralyzed I never had anything. I was never learning anything new. Except possibly a new drug dealer to get my drugs from.

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I don’t even think that my daughter’s understood the extremes that the drugs ruled and took up every waking minute of my days. When I went back to school, once I got my first apartment after becoming paralyzed, I would call up my oldest daughter all of the time asking her questions about my homework, how to do word, and many other things. Finally she gets exasperated with me one day and was like ” why don’t you just google it?”. It is so much easier she said. I was like, if I knew how to google, then I would have been doing it all along clearly, rather than calling your bitchy little ass!

I then proceeded to tell her my opinion of her as a teacher. And how I could not believe that she taught high school students with how little bit of patience that she has. So needless to say we got to fighting on the phone and ended up hanging up on each other. Which is nothing new in the life of me and my family. We fight all of the time. But the great thing about being a family is that you make up with each other. Once everyone calms down that is. But this shows the extent that drugs ruled my life back then. I knew nothing about google, or word, or computers, nor anything else for that matter. I only knew how to wake up each day and start chasing that drug.

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Or chasing the money to get the drug. Or looking to find someone who had the drug I needed. After I finally got the money for it. Then by the time you would actually get your drug, the day would be about over. So then you usually get high. Maybe nod off in your plate of spaghetti, and then go to sleep. Just to have it all start over the next day when you woke up.

And there was no changing it. The withdrawals and sickness you would feel when you did not have your drug of choice (mine being heroin, oxycodone, and in the beginning lortabs) was so terrible that you wouldn’t have to be out of drugs to be dreading it. All that would have to happen was to start running a little bit low on your supply. And your brain would start thinking about how you had better start figuring out how to get more. Before you would run out.

So as you can see my life was literally ran by my opiate addiction. I was not in control of the ride, the heroin was. Or the needle, or whichever opiate I happened to be on at the time. And of course I tried to get off of these terrible things many times in my life. Just to find myself failing miserably. Because every time that I would be off of them for a while I would still feel that depression creeping into my soul. And that yearning for the way that they used to make me feel.

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I felt weak, and I just wished to die most of the time. Feeling as though everyone would be better off without an idiot like me in their life. For all that I did was mess up time after time. Promising every time that it would never happen again. And lying to everyone around me, including myself. Saying how I had control this time. Stretching the truth with how much I was doing. Trying to appear as if I were doing better than what I was actually doing.

One Of My Back Yard Water Displays

Now after being paralyzed because of my use of needles 6 years ago, something has happened to me, and it has all been taken away. That old yearning for the way that it made me feel. The old struggles with being anywhere around an opiate. I couldn’t be within a mile of someone that I knew might have a pain pill without going into full throttle piece of shit mode. Trying to come up with some type of plan to steal a few, without them noticing. Well borrow was always the way I would look at it. Sign Up

You tried to convince yourself that you would replace them before they would ever notice that they were gone. And had an armored truck wrecked in front of your house, throwing every single oxycodone they were carrying right into your living room, then yes you probably would have replaced them like you kept telling yourself in your mind. But in the real world, you were usually struggling from day to day just to keep yourself from being sick. And struggling to keep yourself off of the streets. So you were never going to be able to take care of yourself and your addiction, plus be able to get the extra’s to get someone back. That other person that you ended up owing is always put to the back burner.

So for me to be able to go to my mother’s house nowadays and never even think about getting into her pain pills is a miracle in itself. She can now leave them in her purse, or her nightstand, without fear that I will be swiping a few every time that I came around. It has taken a while to get to this point for both of us. It takes a long time to build trust back up with someone that you have harmed over and over again in life. And it took some time for me to get better and to change my ways of thinking.

It did not happen overnight. And you don’t just suddenly become a perfect upstanding citizen, after being a piece of shit one all of your life. But if you work at it, and stay focused, it can happen. And through all of my projects I have become a better person. So while I may not ever be like a martha stewart in the way that I do crafts, or remodeling. But my crafts have helped me to become a better person. On the inside, and on the outside as well.

For they have helped me keep my mind busy at times when I felt lonely, with not many people coming to visit. Times I could have easily teetered towards drugs again for comfort. They have given me a sense of achievement, and something to go forward for in my life. And they have kept me in shape, contributing to helping me get stronger in my walking capabilities, with all the running around the yard, and the trailer. Always trying to finish something, or clean something, or organize something. Not to mention the fact that I am always getting better at the projects that I do.

So maybe one day I will be able to make a living from the affiliate marketing I am trying to do. Or maybe I will get good enough to be able to sell some of my crafts. You never know. I just know that it is working for me and it is making me happy in life. And that is all that you can do is to try and be as happy as possible with whatever you have going on in your life. And if you cannot manage to pull any bit of happiness out of your life, with what you are doing or you have going on. Then it might be time to try and change your life.

So I will get back to my project and how it was that I did it. I actually dug a pretty big area so I could put my reservoir down in it and have the water display on top of it. This has proven to be a big problem for me when it comes to water displays. I do not know how I seem to screw them up every time, but I do! So I try and keep it very simple. Basically the water in the reservoir is plenty deep enough for my water pump.

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I will then get my hose that I need to run from my water pump up to my display. After you get your hose long enough to reach then you should make sure that it is secure onto your pump, and anywhere else. In case you have to use more than one hose or you might end up using an adapter so that you can run straight up and then to the left or right.

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So once you have everything secure to your pump then you will want to make sure that everything is working properly. You definitely want to make sure that your water is coming back into your reservoir without any leaks or major splash. Because if you have even a little tiny leak then you will be bone dry before you know it. And then it will burn your water pump up quickly. So you will want to be sure that you have laid down your plastic liners properly where your water is going right back into your reservoir.

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My Back Yard Water Display Area

That was always where I would have some major problems. If I don’t point my water to going almost straight back into my reservoir then I will end up losing water somewhere every single time.

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So in the video that I have on this post I have my water display as a small gurgle of water coming out of the ground. In that water display I did not have any hoses going at all from my water pump. I had a sump pump that I got on the streets for dirt cheap going. And I was just letting it go without the hoses attached. And it just put the water straight up into a small gurgle that of course came right back down on itself. So you did not have to worry about any loss of water. But it was definitely nice when you walked up to it.

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Once you have your pump working properly you will want to put something strong over your reservoir. Something like chicken wire would work to cover your reservoir. This will also help to keep all of the crap from getting down in your water display. I then added a bunch of little rocks all over the top. Covering up my chicken wire completely. I got all of my small rocks from a local gravel company called IMI. And when I called and asked them about getting some small rocks for my projects I was working on they told me on the phone that I could fill up my buckets as much as I could hold for $5. So I was immediately there with several of my totes.

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My First Water Display That I Did With The Help Of A Friend
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So I have also been collecting large rocks for my water displays for the last couple of years. I have got all of my rocks for completely free. I have gotten them from my family who lives in the country and had lots of big boulders they had cleared out of the woods, and from friends who would go to the river and bring me back rocks every time they would go.Sign Up

So I also have been getting pallets from different places locally. I found one guy who lives right down the road from me who sells all kinds of different types of pallets. And he sells them for dirt cheap. Like $2 a piece. So I also found the old vintage looking ladder at his place. It was not in the greatest shape when I saw it there. And so he told me that I could have it. And so I put it in as part of my water display layout. I wanted it to look very country, and very old fashioned. I love antiques and vintage things. So I wanted my water display to look like these 2 things combined.

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Another Style Water Display I Did In Back Yard Area

I then brought a bunch of my plants outside and sat them around my water display area. Making it look much better I thought. I have always loved plants. And I seem to do well with most plants. All except for ferns. I definitely do not have a green thumb for ferns!

So I know that this is definitely not the best tutorial for doing your own water displays, but I at least will put it out there how I have done mine, and give any kinds of pointers on how to do it cheaply and the easiest way that you can do one. So if you happen to try your own water display at home then let me know how it works out for you. Good Luck & Happy Crafting!

The story of Little Lick!

This three legged dog is something else! I have never seen a dog who shows human emotions as well as this one does. He is Katie’s puppy from her one litter of pups she had before we got her fixed.

When he was about 7 months old he got hit by a car. I had let katie and her 2 puppies out to go pee and katie led them right across the street. Well her and tubby made it across, and little lick did not.

A guy brought him to our door telling me how sorry he was and that he ran right in front of him and he couldn’t stop in Time.

Well we were bad junkies back then and couldn’t take care of ourselves let alone dogs really. But I have always loved animals more than most human beings and so even though we had no money to take him to a vet we didn’t have him put down.

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And I cared for him the best way I could back then. We gave him pain reliever and kept him on a towel that was like a diaper since he couldn’t go outside on his own.

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He slept in my arms every night like a baby and I prayed that he would get better with what we were doing for him. And slowly he did finally get better.

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And it was not long before he was up and running around again. But he was dragging that paw and had no feeling in it. You could tell it was not causing him pain, but the problem was, that eventually, he would drag it down to the bone if it kept up.

So to make a long story shorter, I went to prison for 9 months and Justin was a hot mess still while I was gone.

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So my mother took Katie and her 2 puppies to her home to care for them until I got out. She took him to the vet and got his leg removed and he got fixed at same time.

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So everything was done at once. He went home and recovered completely and it wasn’t long before he was outrunning all the other dogs who had 4 legs.

My mother fell in love with him after the surgery and while I was gone. So when I got out of prison I only had one dog, Katie. Tubby her other puppy passed away shortly after mom got all 3 dogs. Lick became my mothers dog and katie of course came right back to being my baby once I got out.

Little lick had not forgotten me though. It took him a little longer to recognize me than katie when I first walked in the door after 9 months, but he eventually figured it out and was once again my little baby laying right in my arms again.

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So for years my mother has had him and he has lived a very good spoiled life. Until about 2 1/2 years ago when me and Justin were living in Richmond and I was still relearning to walk myself from being paralyzed from the waist down.

She came and asked me if I would take him. She knew I was the only person who would be able to take him in. He definitely has had his issues throughout the years and from what he has been through.

He either had to stay with mom, get put down or come live with me katie and Justin again.

She would have never had him put down, but she had ended up with about 4-5 dogs living at her house thanks to me or one of my kids. And they had begun to run around like a wild pack of dogs when all together.

And they were feeding off each other, getting more brave as they went. And so while none of the dogs were large really “chihuahuas and poodle sizes” they would go after something and you definitely knew they were coming!

You might get little lick come out of nowhere and bite an ankle, or jump in with the other dogs in a fight.

Little lick was not a fair fighter and had no problems with jumping in and helping out 2 on one!

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So I told my mother we would take him and try it out to see how it worked. I was still using my wheelchair at this time so I admit I had my doubts as to whether I could handle 2 dogs and everything else going on in my life.

But this is the end results of all the pain and suffering that me and the three legged dog has been through. He is our baby!

Katie was around him all through the years. Since my mom had kept katie for me when I was gone to prison, plus she ended up with her after they took me to St Vincent hospital.

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So they were never apart all that long through the years. And now katie and lick are as close as any 2 dogs can be.

little lick and katie sleeping together

And I literally feel for these 2 dogs as if they were my kids. Katie has been there with me through everything from withdrawals to me getting paralyzed.

She slept right in my hospital bed when I first got home. It is amazing how much love an animal can have for their owner and vice versa.

So now we have 2 living in my trailer who are disabled, me and my dog. He definitely took to his disability way better than I did at first.

But one thing I did learn from him is that you have to get up and just do it. You can’t lay around feeling sorry for yourself. If you did that then you may never get back up.

Dogs do not sit around and gripe about what happened to them. They don’t sit around and expect you to feel sorry for them.

They just get back up and do what they can do to the best of their ability. And that is why I am walking again today.

Had I decided to just lay around feeling sorry for myself and letting others do everything for me, then those muscles that were already almost non existent, probably would have went on to actually being non existent.

So I hope that perhaps this true story of 2 junkies and their disabled dog will help someone out there to see the way. And see that anything is possible in life. If you just believe.

I have been off the needle for over 3 years now and Justin is on soboxone and that is amazing considering what a terrible junky he was back in the day.

We have many problems and many issues still, but I would have never dreamed that we would all be back together all these years later.

From Justin going to prison for 4 years, me getting paralyzed from using needles, Little lick losing his leg, and poor Katie getting thrown back and forth from place to place.

Yet here we are!

Lick Katie And Justin Doing What They All Love Best! Sleeping!
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Supernatural or Super Explainable

Alfred security camera app that turns your old phones into security cameras around your home. Captures movement of the phone even though there appears to be no one around.

So I was browsing through my alfred footage on my phone one day and noticed this video. There is nothing amazing about it except for the fact that no one was around this phone/security camera at the time that I saw the phone move slightly to the right.

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Now I am not one who goes around seeing ghosts behind every little noise or movement that I see. I am not even sure if I believe in ghosts or not. But this did strike me as odd. The phone was sitting upright leaning up against the back of the tall bluetooth speaker that I had moved outside into the lean to once it was done.

Now there is nothing behind where the phone was sitting at. You cannot even physically get behind that area because the bluetooth speaker is pushed up against the blinds that cover the area where a wall might have been. had I not decided to turn the lean to into an outside living room area. So there is only a fence behind the blinds and it goes to the side of our neighbors old garage that no one ever uses and no one ever goes into.

In the 3 years I have lived in this trailer court I have never once seen an actual person back in this area unless it was Justin jumping across the fence to retrieve something of ours that somehow found it’s way over to their side of the fence. And I looked at the videos of right before the movement and right after the movement, and there was nothing at all that I could see in any of the videos. No animals, no people around.

The first explanation someone gave me was that it must have been Lick, my dog, who moved it. Well I have never once seen Little Lick get himself up on a table of any type and move a phone before. For one it is impossible for the dog to get up there, and for 2 the camera would have caught him in the act. So I can’t even entertain the possibility of one of my dogs bumping into the table and making the phone move a little when they did, because that is also about impossible when you consider the amount of force it would take to bump this set up and actually make something move that was sitting on the table.

A person bumping the table? Yea I could buy that for accidentally hitting the table and causing the phone to move a little. But the problem with that is that there is no one around at all. The camera would have caught them somewhere along the way of their bump.

So these are the facts that I know about what was around the phone that day, and the circumstances surrounding the phone capturing the video that day. So if you would like to put your vote in I would love to see what most people’s opinions are of what caused this after they see the video.

Thank you and feel free to follow me! I am new to all of this blogging stuff and I am trying to get better at it. But I have decided to write about whatever might come in and out of my life now that I am starting over after having the ability to walk taken away from me completely for a few years. So now that I have been given a second chance and I am back on my feet again I am just going to write and share and see where it may take me.

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The Journey Begins

I was paralyzed a little over 5 years ago from the waist down. This happened to me because I was a heroin addict. I started on regular pain pills and gradually went to roxycodone. When the governmment started cracking down on controlled substances I then moved onto becoming a heroin addict because of how much cheaper and how much easier it was to acquire.
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It  was an airborn infection from the needle I used that got me. It is like a 1 in a million chances of this happening. Pretty crazy odds I know, but it happened to me. My body did not fight off what it was supposed to fight off while I was injecting myself.  So this infection started taking over my entire body. It eventually lodged itself into my spinal cord. I woke up one day and could not move my legs.
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Right after I got out of my spinal cord surgery which left me paralyzed from the waist down.

I was then taken to St Vincent Hospital in Indianapolis where they performed emergency spinal cord surgery on me. Which left me paralyzed from the waist down. I was very lucky to have not lost my life actually. If the infection had reached my heart there would have been nothing they could have done for me. My Dr’s did not actually say that I would never walk again, but they told me and my family not to get our hopes up. They told us this because of the amount of infection they had to remove from my spinal cord.

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Me in my wheelchair at my youngest daughters high school graduation above.

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I am not only walking again, I am walking unassisted. I do not have to even use a cane to walk. (Though it does help me walk better and not look like a drunk at times) I have also been off of the needle for over 3 years. I have no desire these days to use opiates. Even though I am now in way more pain than I ever was before this happened to me. I have been slowly trying to change my life around. It is very hard to change who you are after you have been that person for longer than you can remember.

Me and my oldest daughter Chelsea while she helped me at my first apt after being paralyzed

But it is possible! And it will not happen overnight. And you are not going to become a perfect person. You will still make mistakes. But you have to learn to forgive yourself for these mistakes and move on. Especially from all those mistakes and feelings of guilt from your past. If you don’t, then you will leave yourself open to being pulled right back into that old behavior and lifestyle.

I want to help others, but I don’t even pretend to act like I have all of the answers. And I am not perfect and will never be perfect. But I do know addicts and their behaviors. And I know what type of hell you live through as an addict. All the prejudisms that people have toward addicts. How they are treated by society. The government wants to treat addicts like they are criminals and punish them if they cannot control themselves with their drug of choice.

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Well addiction is a disease. Do you get treated like a criminal for being a diabetic? Do you have to go live in a cage with murderers, child molesters, and other criminal types for not controlling your diabetes?

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So forgive me for not feeling as though this is the answer or the way to help the problems this country is facing concerning addiction. Check out Netherlands Free Trade  they have going on. And what type of results they have had from doing this.

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I will post next time all about what it is for anyone who does not know what I am talking about or cannot find it.

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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